apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
