My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
