Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
