I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
