I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My vagina is officially offended.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sext me about skeletons
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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