I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
