someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
