Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
