You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
