last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
