he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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