I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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