I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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