Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
