In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
