omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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