I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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