Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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