I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
