I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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