Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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