is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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