Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
50% drunk capacity currently
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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