i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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