I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
