i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
