i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
