filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
