She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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