just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
