so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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