this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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