lets start a swedish sibling band together
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
