so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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