After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
