you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
