His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
