Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Randomize
