He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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