Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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