4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
