I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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