now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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