her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
