You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Randomize
