I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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