he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
