I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
