Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
