You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
