dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My balls are so social today.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
